dA nEw "bLogGy", HaPpy NeW YeAr 2005 & sOmeTin BoUt Me...

Darn it feels good to be able to do anything I want again on my blog. Well I've been re-designin the whole thingy from 11pm plus and it's now already 4.30am plus. Funny I'm not sleepy yet but I know late nights give you pimples!! Eeeks!! But hyahz, nobody's face is perfect lah... Tigger and I were jokin once why izit when we critisize people of bad things like saying people fat lah, got pimples and other stuff then we get the retribution cause we get plump and pimples as well. But WHY? izit when we laugh at thin and scrawny people how come we don't lose weight and become thin like them as well huhh? Haha... Well wana wish everyone:

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2005 IN ADVANCE! HAVE A GREAT YEAR AHEAD!

Yes I wanna cuddle up to you and "manja" everynight ->Sori its kinda mushy guys!
Yes I am STILL waitin for my Honors letter
Yes I still wanna go back to Melbourne badly
Yes I'm going mad shuffling between 2 countries all the time
Yes I figure I'll die of exhaustionof I stay on sg/jb for good
Yes I think I would go mad tryin to divide my time betwn my parents/BF/friends/wrk etc here
Yes my depression and emotional temperaments would get worse if I can't go back melb

Went to my dad's shop just now with my parents and was tryin to fix the computer for my dad. I know every sweet little moments and times spent with them will also make them happy. That's why I shuffle in and out of spore every 2 or 3 days just to keep my parents company as well. But it's all taking a toil on me since last time and sometimes if I could see into the future, I would have turned back the time and chose to go KL straight after O levels instead of being stuck the "borders" now. Anyway sometimes I can't figure am I more like a gal or tomboy? Wanna know why? Well:
- I used to tie my hair and stuff it in a cap when I was young and go race bicycles with boys
- Im quite a fan of RPG/WAR/EPIC games of any kind be it on PC, XBOX or Play Station
- I know a thing or two about modifying cars and their different parts and whats so ever
- I love car racing whether izit myself or sitting beside the "good" racer.
(Sshshhh, used to follow my ex and his friends for illegal car racing.)
- I'm a sturbbon arse and will use all my strength or wits to get things done like dismantling a fan, repairin the door hinges, changing light bulbs ;p and lotz of things that people stare at awe thinkin what the hell is this gal tryin to do... Okie enough for today and would update on my LANCOME job trainin another day if I have the time... Huggies people... =)

XmAs EvE DinNeR & a SoOn MoRe OcCupiEd LiFe...

Been a good girl and stayed home since christmas eve and trying to just spend time with my parents especially mummy-o cause I know when the work starts, I'm gonna be very much away from JB most of the time and most probably won't be able to keep them company alot as well, next year. Yeah hate to admit but I was bored shitless at home and all I did was sleep, watch abit of telly or play games most of the time. Friends have been callin me and askin if I was still back in JB and when was I going back SG. Well soon soon...

Just a little family shot from our Xmas Eve Dinner at New York Hotel.


Darn the place brought back much memories as well cause that was where New York Club Disco was as well and seeing the place made me think back to the past times I've been there with my ex (who's still in Melbourne now) and friends plus the incidents & stuff which I should not go into further detail. I would only say it was a chaotic one which I don't wanna be reminded if possible. Anyway think mum was pretty happy I could go for mass with her durin Xmas plus the usual sundays but I hope that the work schedule would be flexible enough for me to continue going to church with her though.

Kinda got a shock when I checked my net tracker last week and boy you'd be surprise to see the different kinds of people from all over who drop by my blog. Well at first I didn't quite believe but then the tracker doesn't tell lies -> I guess. Unknown people from unknown website as well-> I really don't know how they got here. Guess it's better to be a little more discrete in future -> I'll try!

goT a TeMp JoB, MeRrY XmAs EvErYoNe & dA GoOd / bAd Of MuSiC.

Should I jump with joy or should I bow my head in sadness that I've got a temp job already? I don't know -> job = money = dedication = stress = tiredness = less time for loved ones. There's always a good and bad everything but maybe it will be a good thing so I won't get crazy thinkin what to do everyday?! What, where & when about it I'm not sayin anything here to avoid some trouble you never know. Close pals of mine, you'll find out in due time...

Anyway uni's already closed for about 1 to 2 weeks for their long holiday and I guess my letter is gonna take till next year before I ever get it. When it comes to money, they are never too late to send the invoice but other things just take ages that sometimes I wonder if I still wanna go ahead with what I want or let God make the path for me. It's a good thing my sis-in-law works in a Travel Agency too so she could place a booking for my flight back MEL first and cancel it in case of any last minute changes... Hey it's christmas eve already and mummy-o already booked a place for 5 people for the xmas eve buffet in a hotel -> our usual annual thingy...

Hate to admit that songs can be a bad influence sometimes or maybe it just applies to me. Well that's cause Denise said anyway that people seem to live in a world of complexity and contradictions; thus the name of my blog and I think I'm one worm buried deep within the soil. Different songs remind me of different things but why is it sometimes they remind me of people I shouldn't think about anymore? Maybe I should go buy some new albums... My cousin once told me, "It's the people and the convenience". And I pretty sure there's more than something to it. There are too many "If I knew earlier" incidents in life but there isn't much of a choice to it because sometimes you never know what's at the back till you open the door...

gEnKi sUsHi & rOmaNtiC NitE oUt aNyOne? jUsT sOmeTin aBouT tHe pAsT & nOw...

I hate this something about me i.e. I could be happy one day and the next day I could be moody and gloomy. Maybe its the people, surroundings and the place or I just woke up on the wrong side of bed, there are just too many maybes' but it wasn't like this when in Melbourne. Gettin a palm would be another good idea coz there are just lots of things going about in my mind every minute every sec and maybe I should just write it down there and then. People tend to deceive themselves sometimes that they don't care about this and that, the truth is , if you really don't care about something or someone, you won't be even bothered to mention it at all.

Tigger's finally back from Melbourne and you should see a chirpy and bubbly her ever since she got back. Met her and Evon for dinner at her long awaited Genki Sushi and that was the 4th or 5th time I had Jap food durin the last week so. But it's all good anyway coz jap food is supposed to be healthy and Im growin to love Salmon Sashimi more. ;p Well, below's a snapshot of us with the camara man excluded of cause...


Walking around after eating is one principle Tigger alwayz has thus we shop around for abit and later Evon brought us to this really romantic cafe on the 38th floor of the Meritius Mandarin Hotel for coffee or should I say liquor. Night view from up there:


We had the usual chatting and gossip and talkin about "those were the days" moments in gippsland. Tigger mentioned I got my "old self" back on my blog, but I reckon not. Cause if I did like in the past, the whole world will know that whoever I hate would have his/her reputation smeared after they appear my blog -> Yes I was much more nastier and direct before and if I had something against someone, the next day, almost the whole campus would know and maybe some across the world as well?

Getting baptised and closer to god should mean something and though my mum said I needn't go for confession with her last night cause I wasn't taught so yet, I still went ahead with it and blurrily told Father I didn't really know how to go through it. I confessed to him for being envious of people sometimes and for retaliating when I shouldn't. But it's human nature sometimes and you just can't help it. I will try though... Findin a temp job is still a chore...

sOmE piCs oF mY fRiEnDs & mEetiN aN eX-CoLLeaGe cUm fRiEnD...

Sure feels good not to see any sickenin stuff again but sure miss my pals leavin their little note and sweet nothins -> "Right Len?". Don't worry babes and hunks, I'll enable the tagboard and comments once those childish little gals get over something and get outta my life. Drop me an SMS or something okieee... And hope to see ya people soon!

Mummy dearest went for her Dancing trip with her friends this morning and so I'm all alone since daddy-o's out as well. Might seem funny I never mention my parents much, but as you realise you grow older, you'll realise you can't be jumpin on their lap or stuff too much anymore. But I still love them lots coz they are still the coolest parents anybody could have. And ya I still hug and kiss mum every night when I'm home. So "munja" yah I know.. haha..
So I got sick of my hair coz it was gettin thick and all that, so made a trip to the hairdressers'...


Some shots of my secondary school and poly friends I met up last week. Took a drive to the shopping centre my gal friend was workin in. She used to be an ex-colleage of mine in CTC, "darn I forgot to bring my digicam to catch a shot with her". Anyway, we were reminiscing the good old times when we were workin in CTC and how we used to just decide to go ktv or clubbin at the very last min. Haha, and what short temper I have like I would take the control out as if I'm gonna hit somebody when I wanna complain bout something and boy they just start laughin. She was real gungho too when I asked her if she had been to NY Club lately and called her BF to round up some people to go tonight. But I told her no, make it another day maybe.. Well, one more thing is that I like driving alone at times, cause it gives you times to ponder on alot of things and it helps de-stressing-> don't worry I still keep my eyes on the road...

wHaT aM i tiNkiN aBoUt? i sHouLd hAv rEmOvE eVerY cOmMedAbLe tHinG iN dA 1sT pLacE!

Why do Elva, Landy and Ocean Ou's song still remind me of him sometimes? Why did I msg him when I was unhappy? "You told me to be strong, take care and sweet dreams." "Why did we have to quarrel the last week before I came back?" WHY? WHY? WHY? "Do ya even know how much pain and hurt it cost me now?" "Do ya know I wish we could turn back time?"



Hate you:
for not being there at the right time, much earlier or much later,
for making me live in a dream till almost the last month before I came back,
for leaving me all alone and choosing to go back sg when I most needed u,
for your ego, your bluntness and your mis-judgement

Hate myself:
for not being there at the right time, much earlier or much later,
for not choosing to go back sg with you and finish it up all there instead,
for not loving you enough cause we were barely together for 2 months,
for giving you up when the other couldn't protect me as much as u did and
I still have to forgive him for something I don't wanna forgive.

Sometimes why don't I just heed my friend's advice and remove anything that people can leave their "NOT-WELCOME" comments which would hurt me even more. But, I'm really so tired, I really am so tired of everything and I mean everything. The impending reply from my lecturer, the chore of havin to look around for a temp job when all my ex bosses want perm staff and so many more things.

And to other IRRELEVANT KPO's who are so obsessed in reading my blog everyday, I have removed the comments section as well, so you can BLOODY GET OUT OF MY BLOG AND MY LIFE!

JuZ LaZiN Da DaY aT hOmE & ThOuGhtS iN mY aLmoSt iNsAnE MiNd...

Been lazing around at home today playin my Heros III game and trying to get things done like I'm supposed to unpack my luggage from my Melbourne trip, transfer some photos from my mobile to the laptop, reply some of the emails from my lecturers. -> None of these I have done though except for the gaming part. Apart from that, was also trying to get my mind of the many unhappy things on my mind that even avoiding "it" isn't much of a help.

Imagine how it feels like to be maligned by people and being called a third party, a b*i*ch and every damn horrible word you could think of just because at first, the guy was afraid to admit to his then-GF that he was the one with the roving eyes first. So, he cooly push the blame to the girl sayin that she liked him first which resulted in what's happened today. So now he's changed his words and she doesn't believe him-> obviously because all she would think is that he's tryin to defend the girl. Sometimes I wonder why did I let myself get into this shit.

I had a job waiting for me, a then-loving BF who loves me, with all the C's a women could want and those boyish looks, if only he didn't disappoint me in some ways or another, yes my life would be perfect now. Honestly, do I look like the type who desperately needs to go out to get da guys, NO, I don't have a need for that. People around me would know very well. Anyway, maybe I should remove the comments section from my blog as well, maybe I will not. Well, I'm kinda so immuned to what's written that I don't wanna bother about it anymore. This is my blog anyway, I should have the right to do anything I want here, just don't know why I bother about some people's feelings when they don't deserve it at all sometimes...

Love bringin my dog bambam for walks. Going out for walks kinda relaxes your mind and helps you get it off unhappy things. He's the bestest friend you could ever have, showing you his cute face when you're sad, lickin your tears when you cry and putting his paw on you when you're unhappy.

A siCkeNiN siTuAtiOn, nEveR eNdiN pRoBLems & tHaNks For bEinG tHeRe pAl.

Replies to my TAG BOARD cause Im gonna disable it for the time being. TO:
ur a 1*beep*2-> Darn, I thought I was criticised for havin an unflatterin body and wardrobe, didn't know I still could "snatch" someone elses BF away?!

Burp! *Beep beep*/Burp-> Stop your bloody accusation of the third party thing. If your friend couldn't keep her BF's heart, it's none of my business. And btw, U can criticise but DO NOT FUCKING DISCRIMINATE! Yeah so what if we get da guys?, doesn't this fuckin tell ya sometin about how unlovable u s'porean b*tc*h*s are? I'm glad my s'porean girlfriends are special and nice, that's why those are called my friends!

To Ms Cherelle: Yes I would have the courtesy to mention your name if ya want me to. Right from the start I wanted to keep my promise to stop any mention or pictures about "us", blame your good friends if ya want to instead of me. If his choice was you, I would have peacefully give him back, and even if there wasn't me, there would be another girl as well, just so happen I was the one I don't know if I should say had the good luck or the bad luck. I could cooly tell ya to stay away from my blog if ya can't stand seeing some things, but for everyone's sake, I'm just gonna keep my promise about NOT mentionin anytin anymore, so pls tell your childish friends/cousins to back off.
___________________________________________________________________

Being sick again is bad enough and with the all the problems I'm vexed about now, I still have to cope with an emotional strain of dealing with some little childish girls! Anyway, glad I met up with my guy pal today and seeing how unhappy I was, it was really sweet of him to get me a postcard secretly and wrote me something sweet.


I always get myself something to cheer myself up whenever I'm unhappy and thus for this cute little doggie I got from Mini Toons. You'll be surprised how many of this little soffies I have in my room:


It was a traumatizing experience with my ex BF's behaviour and attitude in the past and I thought all the unhappiness was gonna end. Trust me, my life isn't that perfect as it seems to be sometimes and I already have my fair share of things to worry about. I just hope everything comes to a conclusion soon, else Im really gonna break down as well...

bAcK fRoM MeLbOuRnE, fRoM AdeLAIdE & sOmE dOg's JuSt LiKe tO BaRk?

Just got back from melbourne not long and on the way home, it was nice of someone to call dear up and tell him that her friend has left some nasty comments on my blog. -> "By the way, really cute baby boy your friend from Perth has, feel like squeezin his cheeks!"

AMENDED ENTRY -> Picture and comments removed. Hope this doesn't affect you anymore?

Well, the trip back to sg was another tiring one cause Tigger and I just got back from Adelaide yesterday.
10 things you should know about Adelaide:
1) It's just kinda like a square
2) You gotta wait bloody long for da buses @ some stops
3) Every attraction is about 1/4 the size of Melbourne
4) There are less things to spent on as compared to Melbourne
5) The toilets are bloody hard to find
6) The bus drivers give you concession fares w/o even seein ur card
7) The services provided by their motels/inns are really good
8) The food and lodgin is pretty much cheaper than Melbourne
9) There's free city shuttle round the area
10) Don't expect too much about what you gonna see there








Love drivin in Melbourne and esp. the sweet times where we always squabble on the right or wrong routes to take. Nice car huhh... Wish it was mine.. haha...

Well, overall it was still not too bad a place to visit cause I think it would be better if we had time to visit the other towns there as well and Kangaroo Island. Damn tired now and wanna go have a nice sleep. Anyway, "Thank you pals for your reactions to the nasty person, God bless you guys. Don't worry God will have a way of punishing people for bad-mouthing." Loved the catholic church Tigger and I went for mass as well, they even have masses in italian!

a NiCe XmAs mOviE, sHopPin tOo mUcH & A pOeM fRoM mY tHoUgHts...

Denise's out now for her Ceremic Course in Monash Clayton. Haha, so cute of this girl to learn such things and I was asking her to bring one of her molded stuff back for me. Anyway, we went to see the movie "Christmas with the Kranks" just now and it was a kinda nice and touching movie. The xmas decorations were so lovely in the States that we wished one day we would be able to celebrate xmas there. The show potrayed people who wanted to skip christmas look bad and made it looked like such a sin not to celebreate christmas. Overall, it was funny and the feeling of christmas just overwelmed us so much after that.


Well, so much for telling myself to spend less when Denise and I just couldn't resist ourselves again when shoppin in FCUK today. Well, I had thought that my shopping desires have left me cause I didn't see anything I like much back in s'pore/JB. How was I to know back in Melbourne, I was back to my shopping craze again -> erm which is kinda a bad thing. Enough of swiping my Commonwealth Bank and someone's ANZ Bank ATM cards, so I used my credit card which is also a bad thing as well cause I haven't even gone to Adelaide yet!

Thank god time passes kinda fast cause we are really gonna go real broke if we continue shoppin like this everyday. So Adelaide, here we come tomorrow. Darn it's a 9am flight and guess how early we have to wake up to get to the airport. Denise and I are lookin forward to tryin out the Haigh's chocolate tasting and the Christmas Displays by the Riverbank + more shopping? Damn, no wonder I kinda punish myself to start work the very next day after my flight back s'pore so I won't feel so guilty... ;p

So Im supposed to be havin a great time here, but somehow there's still a heavy weight that I feel in my heart I don't know why.

You show your love with words everyday,
I lost my heart when you broke it that day,
You said you honestly made up your mind,
I am still afraid though, knowing your kind,
You want me to trust and give you my all,
I need time coz Im scared again, to fall,
You finally opened "us" to the world,
I hope too, this would end in a fairytale.

iTs pRetTy bOrEd hEre aNd tHouGhts BouT teLLin tOo mUcH...

Counting the days down to our Adelaide Trip is like such a torture for Denise and me as we try hard to console ourselves and hope that each day passes faster cause it's so damn boring. Ok, people complain too much about life -> when there's sometin around to do like studies or work, they complain that it's stressful and want a break. When there's nothing to do and lots of free time, people complain that it's boring -> people like us, haha...

We went to Boxhill Central as said today and met Max and Cheryl there. Did nothing much and just the usual shoppin and eatin. Guess the more I try not to spend, the more I will not keep to it, so I decide to use the excuse of rewardin myself after years of hardwork and just use a plastic rectangular-shaped thing called a "credit card". ;p Well, at least it helped us kill time and boy were we happy to reach home at 7pm, had dinner and laze the remainin time off. Had been planning the itinerary for the Adelaide trip since yesterday and finally got the attractions sorted out. Can't wait to go for the holiday soon, get it over and done so I can go back s'pore, get my life back when I start workin.

Had been checking my uni mail for the past few days since results are out and though I have calculated that my grades are eligible for Honors, there's still sometin stirring about in my heart which is makin me feel uneasy. Darn my lecturers all could not aid further in marks of the past papers so I'm still keeping my fingers cross.

Apart from that, I pondered over some stuff and felt that it was a silly thing to show all over my blog in the past my obsession over someone, when in the end it was not meant to be at all. The photos, the poems, the love quotes, everything about him till everyone thought I was crazy over him -> well I thought I was, at that time. Then I realized that "Love at first sight" is not such a good thing afterall and it was better to fall in love with a person slowly, i.e. after findin out his character, his behavior and personality.

bLogGin fRoM mELbOuRnE & bEiNg hUmBLy qUiEt aBoUt sOmE tHinGs

A happy feeling came over as I stepped out of Melbourne Airport, familiar things and thoughts came into my mind and it was weird as though that was "home" instead, just that wished my loved ones came with me as well. Anyway the flight was a long and tiring one, couldn't sleep much on the plane and was either watchin movies or playin mario bros. Tried to finished watchin a french movie called "Tais Tav" or something and can't help but thought about the verse someone always tease me about from the movie "Moulin Rouge".

Back in Denise's rented place in Clayton. Quite a nice and cosy 2-storey house with 5 rooms but transport isn't that convenient though. Well, having a direct bus from here to Chadstone isn't neccesarily a good thing cause yah, I spent like $100 in one day on shopping plus recharging my optus card. Boy the weather sure is hot in Summer here and I could feel the sweat trinkling down my body during the nap. Planning to go Boxhill for a visit cause Tigger just wants to check out the place and I was telling her that Wed would be rest day else I'll be more than broke even before I go for our Adelaide Trip.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" -> It certainly affects only some special people. =)

Yes I agree going back S'pore was not such a good idea
Yes if only we could return to Gippsland now was the best thing
Yes we didn't mean or want to hurt anyone
Yes god lets everything happen for a reason
Yes I thank god for all the precious things he gave
Yes a huge "price" to pay for came with something

1 WeEk HoLs iN MeLbOuRne BeForE sTaRt Of wOrK & jUst a NAiVe LitL GaL.

Yes, just got back from church and would be going in s'pore soon cause I'm going back Melbourne for a week to spend some time with Tigger and for our Adelaide Trip. Did my last min packin and can't remember if I have forgotten to bring anything along and was tellin Tigger if I idi, I'm gonna get it from her haha... Have some much things to tell her and update her about. Miss ya too Len, Miko, Timmy, can't wait to see ya guys!

Well, to an extent I have been very direct in my blog in the past but recently I have a certain amount of constrain to what I say because of some promise that I will keep. That "some" thing was supposed to come to a conclusion and I actually wished that going away for the week would let me forget him when he made his choice. Well, apparently he made up his choice, but the "problem" is still not solved. I try hard to understand him, to give him time but there's a certain limit to my patience which I'm still tryin hard to contain and yah I would hear what he has to say to me later. There are some things that affect me right now, but anyway I won't start fighting like some little girl cryin for sweets out there.

Nothing much needs to be said, as I would have given him up if he was willing to let me go ages ago. Knowing him so well with the short but 'long' time we spent, he needs someone around to love and take care of him. Even if I weren't there, there would be someone else to do that. There are lots of things I know and I will keep my word in not letting it out. We'll just see who gets the last laugh. Whatever is meant to be will be meant to be, I have learnt this through past relationships. I won't hold on to something if it doesn't belong to me. Even if I'm not going back Gippsland next year, I would be glad if there's another girl willing to take care of this sweet, caring, funny BUT kinda indecisive and too soft-hearted guy, which I know THERE WOULD BE... (",)

Love isn't meant to be a possesion, rather seeing him happy and being able to be himself is what brings a smile to the heart...

sEmeSteR 2 rEsULts oUt aNd yEaH Im KiNda GeTtin ImMuNe tO sOmE THinGs

Just check the semester two results and for me the final semester -> 3Credits, 1 Dist. Yah I know Im gonna get the "See I told you, you played too much this sem" look or thoughts from some people. Yah kinda upset about the results, was hopin for at least 1 High Dist. and was kinda shocked with the results for one of the mathematics subjects cause I was so sure about it as the paper was done with ease and the grades for the assignments were not too bad as well...

Anyway, yes some things are still dangling at the moment and it makes me so sick I kinda got immune to it already. I don't know if I should cry or laugh about it anymore. Taking things in my stride, I was hoping to use the 1 week trip to Australia to forget him, but darn every bloody thing in Melbourne and even the songs they sang for the S'pore Idol Finals reminds me of him. He's just like a shadow hoverin over me. Well, "I guess you know now about what's going on cause I read your blog, you read my blog, you know it, I know it." So there are 2 silly gals out there waitin for someone to make up his mind and someone would be deeply hurt in the end, don't ask me why but I kinda know who the person will be... Well, guess some things are just meant to be what they are supposed to be...