iM coMpLiCaTeD aGAiN, i MiSs tHoSe tHRiLLs & sPiLLs & dOn tHiNk aBoUt wAts goiN On?

Right now, I have lotsa thoughts on my mind. Sometimes I wonder if I have a split personality like the Gemini rather than the true Aries. I can be very cheerful one minute and real moody te next. Talked to Len and Evon yesterday, told them I was "Tired, tired, tired!, Of what? of everything that's going on in my life now. Maybe one part of the characteristics of being an Aries lies true to the fact that they crave exciting, dynamic and ever-changing things in life. For me, it got to the point where you thought everything was perfect and then you start to grow tired of the calamity and perfectness. And I can picture men screaming in my face, "What the hell do you women want?" OR maybe just, "What the hell do YOU want?" -> I wish I knew....

Lately I've been dreaming about many different guys, from my ex-boyfriends to new guys whom I seem to be dating in my dreams. The weirdest part was that they all spoke chinese. Don't come scorning me again "my honourable" guys friends with your, "Oh good, you have problems with your BF? Breaking up? Then I got chance lah is it?" If you are destined to remain my friend, please just let it be. Thank you. No offence to anyone, but I did get really corny messages from past primary or secondary school guys telling me they like me when I don't even remember who they are?! **mel frowns and gives a look of +nono+ **

I had illusions of being in a race car again, the feeling of adrenalin rush and heart thumping, it used to happen lots 2 year back. Yess, those illegal street racing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a "Chao Ah-Lian". Ah Lians don't make it to uni. I wasn't exactly an angel too, just someone playful and wild at that time. Did I ever mention I love cars as well? The new Mazda 3, Mitsubishi Evo7, GTO, Mazda RX-7, RX-8, Honda Civic EG, EK 9, Prelude, Integra, BMW Z4. Yess, my future desired car if possible would be modified with body kits and spoiler, spring burnt, filter and exhaust changed++. *mel's imaginary bubble pops out from her head* "Legend of Speed" and better known as "Lie Huo Zhan Che"2. Watched it on SBS yesterday, it was my third time watching it. Love Hong Kong movies and hate to say especially "so-called" gangster movies like "Young and Dangerous" and any movies with Ekin Cheng, Jordan Chan, Edison Chen, Nicholes Tse, Allan Wu and my Jay Chou. Miss my Hong Kong movies, dramas and stuff where I can get easily back in Msia.

In the past, I thought it bothered me that my ex-BFs and I spoke chinese more than english or we had a mixture of each. Then I realised it bothers me even more if 'he' doesn't speak or write mandarin at all. Yes, not the least bit. It bothers me because I prefer mandarin or canto songs and think that english songs are crap and have no meaning at all sometimes. The word "Love" can be expressed in so many ways. And yes, the problem lies with me. "Thou shall not ask why"...