Saturday, January 29, 2005

bAcK in JB hOmE AgAiN, 4 MoRe AwFuL DaYs, mY NoT-So-PeRFeCt LiFe & mOrE ThOuGhTs...

Finally back home in JB after another torturous week of phone calling. It's so bored to see that all my recent posts are dated on Saturdays, but I'll grit my teeth and bear with it cause another 4 more hell-days and ill be rid of the worse job i've ever done... Going to office everyday is like burning me with hot iron; yes it's that terrible and im so glad he's almost there every night to cheer me up and just seeing him and having him around makes my awful day feel better. Well I msg ph to ask how he was and check out his new GF as well. My mum and sis-in-law weren't kinda surprise cause they said someone of his looks should get a GF fast anyway. But somehow I felt, so much for professing his deep love in the past with a change of heart so soon. I don't have any right to get angry, but just kinda show how much I actually meant to him... It doesn't matter that much now anyway...

Met my pal last thurs and checked if he felt better cause he lost another phone and this time it was the lastest Sony Ericsson phone that he had bought not long ago. Guessed he should have learnt his lesson by now since he lost two phones from his pocket already. Anyway his GF called on our way back and he was honest enough to tell her that he had dinner with me and she hung up the phone sounding quite angry. -> Hope they are better by now since their relationship have been quite unstable for some time already. Met up another 2 of my sec sch best friends and as usual the 5 of us could never make it to actually meet up. I met 2 of them wen and ren few weeks ago and last night met cindy and suz. We did some catching up and they enquire bout my "love story" from the time I left s'pore till the time I returned and we ended up with the usual chatting and gossiping about other friends and their lifes as well, laughing our heads off every now and then.. But i told them that the 5 of us had to make sure we actually meet up together "All 5 of us" once more before I return Gippy -> if I am...

Well Timmy arrived this morning in S'pore at about 6am and Longy and I went to pick him up. Had wanted to go somewhere for breakfast but couldn't seem to find anywhere that was open yet. Been missing sitting beside him when he's driving for so long that this morning it felt so nice to imagine we were back in gippy with "SeXyH" 821 already. Anyway I admit I did the most stupid thing in the morning maybe cause I was still blurry from waking up at 4.30am ->I was supposed to used the car phone to call my dad, but somehow the number didn't get dialed and when the phone got through, Longy's mum picked up instead and I was so shocked(I wasn't supposed to be with them), I passed the phone to Longy BUT not w/o sayin, "Shit, it's your mum..." Ok to make things easy to understand, his parents doesn't know about us at all and they can't know cause knowing that he's in a relationship is like telling his parent's he has commited a crime. So much for worrying and he told a lie about the girl being Len instead-> SORRY LEN, and hope his mum buys his story...

And so I was already in a foul mood from the shortage of sleep and the shock about his mum thingy, but still my dad had to add fuel to the fire by startin his usual nagging about how costly I was because I wanted to go back gippy another year and that I should get a part time job and stuff. But you see, the problem was that it was like the umpteen time he reminded me and I really boiled up this time and ended up with teary and red eyes shouting that Im not going back gippy then since he keeps complaining. It's a long story all the way and I angry with my brother for not contributing to the family when he's already 34yrs and my uncles and aunties who keep depending on my dad because of their gambling debts. People used to say not to wash your dirty linen in public, but I don't give a damn now cause honestly my life isn't exactly a bed of roses as most people think.

Sometimes maybe I think it's retribution or what? "She" obviously still can't forget him because she mentioned in her blog about thinking about him. But she had lost his love to me and yes for the first time in my life, my best friends are the ones who tell me, "Hey mel, you look so happy and bubbly when you're with him" and yes I feel the same. But sometimes I can't help but feel love is a high price to pay as well. I seem to get the "debts" back in some other horrible ways as well. And I hope all this sacrifices will be worth it and as his promise to always stand by me never fails, I would not regret my decision and bear with all the other heartaches.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

a ToRurOuS WeEk, mY LoNg-AwAiTeD LeTtEr & cOuNtiN tHe DaYs bAcK MeLB -> hOpiN eVerYTiN gOeS WeLL..

Helloo people, I was back since yesterday but cause it was a Public Holiday and I had to go in S'pore again just to meet up with someone, thus I didn't have time to update then. Well, one week has passed and I'm or we're counting the days down back to Melbourne! The whole week was like a torturous one and time passed so slowly during working hours -> yeah, telemarketing really sucks and there were so many times I just wanted to tell my manager that I wanna quit. But hey, for the money and to kill time I guess I'm gettin the hang of it. Anyway, met some cute and nice friends there as well and yeah I'm the oldest cause all of them were waitin for their 'A' Level results. There was one girl who's studyin in Perth - UWA and she asked alot about studyin in Aust. cause July'04 was only her first sem and as usual Longy has friends from UWA as well, so we decide to intro them one day so she can make more friends.

Things have been going quite ok for the time being and yes! my long awaited offer let has finally arrived by express post and I have signed and sent back the acceptance letter already. As for things between us, it's rather ok cause someone could never get angry and just seeing his silly face and silly teasing makes my day. ;p . We've been tryin hard to bear with it and really can't wait to return to Melbourne. These days, there's so much talk on "When we are back there ah...". The only thing I feel guilty about and will miss are my parents cause I know they miss me very much. Sometimes I feel I'm selfish to choose my place of happiness, but I promise myself I will not let them down and will bring them over to Aust. if I can in future. Had a "Tele-conference" with Timmy, Len and Miko yesterday and they were meeting up with Hemant as well. The chat made us miss having everyone together all the more. Oh yah Tim's visiting Len in KL and so Longy and I had a chat with them on the phone for awhile and we really miss the usual hangin out... Countdown -> 34 days to my flight.

Ok ill stop whimpering and talk about some other things. Went CNY shopping with my parents last weekend and got some stuff -> . All I got were tops and shoes, haha cause wanna lose more weight before I get any bottoms. Well, normally I lose weight only when I'm stress or unhappy and sure enough, since I got back I lost like 5kg and more to go I hope. There's the good and bad of it, but hey, come to think of it, it's natural slimming, haha... It's not that I really unhappy here, but there's too many restrictions for him when we are in S'pore and as I've said, Im sick of having to shuffle between the two countries and NOT looking forward to more jams of human traffic and other forms of congestion on the causeway and the respective checkpoints. And working in SG sucks because everyone is -> OVERWORKED, UNDERPAID & EXPLIOTED. 14 years of study and work there didn't make me love the country at all, just the facilities and service there maybe... Anyway, no offences to S'poreans huh, Im sure most of you know better as well... Well, Msia isn't any better as well lah..

Saturday, January 15, 2005

jOb hOpPin & jUsT cURiOuS, aNyOne kNoWs hOw MuCh pEr hR tO sEe a pSyChiAtriSt?

Back from SG again and for some time if you don't see any updates or replies on my blog means I should be away from home. Went for the interview last tuesday for the temp banking project. Guess what? It was telemarketing a bank's creditline product. I blink my eyes when I saw what was written on the application form but hell since I was already there, decided to go ahead with it anyway. The interviewer made everything short and sweet and I was barely in there for 5mins. There were like 50 over people that went for the 2day interview and in the end, there were only 8 of us at the table. Why we got it? I don't know, maybe it's either she likes you or she doesn't like you. Well.. thus goodbye to the Lancome job...

I don't know why my tempremental mood is setting in again.. I mean if it's because of that time of the month, it should have passed already like few days ago. Anyway one of the reasons might be because of the f**king handphone bill of $400 bucks! Auto-roamin is bloody expensive and you are charged both sides -> Bloody mobile operators, no wonder they make so much money! And honestly, telemarketing isn't as easy as you think, the mental stress you go through when you get nasty people on the phone is just so unbearable and I barely started like 2 days. Think Im gonna aim some of you people's mum or dad to sign up since application and annual fee is waive anyway, plus they get free gift & spa discount voucher. But Im just so lazy to go bug them about it, it's just like an insurance agent trying to bug you, just that this one is FREE.

Well, can I just say some people from the other side of the continent I was studyin in are similar to some of those in my country -> They process things bloody slowly and I think a cow works faster sometimes. It's sickening to get just an email reply from the uni sayin Im offered my honors but when is the damn official letter ever gonna come so I can settle my visa's and stuff?! I feel guilty sometimes for taking out my mental stress on him. And the more vexed I get, the more sensitive I am that sometimes I think even he doesn't know what to say to console me already. People think Im just being too sensitive and worry too much about things, but I say maybe a talk with a psychiatrist might help if things get any worse. Trust me, waiting for things to happen and knowing there's nothing you can do about it is a real mental stress.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Ala bEaUtY aDviSoR? aNotHeR cOm WiTh LoUsY MgMt? bEinG tHeRe WhEn I NiD u BuT iZit 4Ver?

Good to be back home and to my comfortable room as well, plus my parents are always delighted when I come back from s'pore then they'll bring me to somewhere for dinner and there will go all my dieting for the last few days…

Well, started my temp job as a Beauty Consultant for Lancome last Thursday and had been working since then. Lucky that the first day was to the counter at Seiyu Bugis and I found out that the training that time didn't help much cause you are just thrown there and made to learn so many things yourself. Thanks to having a "not-too-bad" memory and thus I manage to quickly learn how to recommend the different types of skin care and cosmetic to people and remembering as much the prices of the products as well. Initially, I loved the job.

2nd / 3rd & 4th day of work was like a totally different thing from what I wanted at all. Basically we were made to think that we are important "high-class flyer distributors". Put it simply, our supervisor's instructions were to stand outside Isetan Scotts and hand out samples + brochures and to explain to people about the new moisturizer they have just launched. Bloody hell and they expected us to hit a target of 1k for the temps and 2k for the perms. They are really nuts when most of the time we are outside, how the hell do they expect us to do even reach a third of the target. My colleagues told me they never did once hit during the launch of new products -> its just ridiculous.

Furthermore, stuff that I found out yesterday made me even more pissed off. I found out they only paid people end of every 2 months, which is so absurd! They give the excuse that they need to count the commission and stuff. And so people who wants to try this kind of job you had better be able to survive for the 1st 2 months first, else you gonna be real broke waiting for your first pay day. The other matter was that I was looking forward so much to going back to Seiyu Bugis counter today and tomorrow. But apparently the perm girl there said she couldn't get me so she called someone else -> which is absolute bullshit cause my mobile was on like 24hrs/day. I reckon she's just jealous and feel threaten that a newbie like me could hit sales that totaled $700 plus on my first day and she was kinda hinting that we should merge receipts cause she had very little sales that day; I mean who would be so stupid when you earn on commission as well?

BITCH -> I hope your skin infection doesn't get well. You see, she had used expired facial scrub (I mean, how stupid can one get?) and there's black patches round her face now. Darn, why didn't they ask her to take leave and not go to work and scare customer's away?

Anyway, so I'm pissed of by all these that my depression mood is setting in again and all I can think of is wanting a nice hug and consolation from him but he's working late and being tired and stuff he gave me a call sayin he was on his way home when he actually pop up in front of my bro's place and gave me a surprise just like he did 2 days ago.

I was actually chatting with my pal that in the past when I was working in CTC, matters of work went well with my promotion, incentives and stuff, but I had a shitty BF. Now what I had a nice BF, my work stuff is all shitty. And my pal was just sayin that well, I can't have everything. And so I would stop complaining cause I'd rather have a shitty job and a nice BF cause as there's lotsa jobs out there you can always switch anytime, but finding someone who makes you happy isn't that easy after all and now I fully understand his ex's words when she said, "Well, now you have my nice BF."

Then again, not everything is lovey-dovey forever. Much as you want something to last, things don't always turn out that way and I know I always have to keep my girlfriends' advice in mind that "Choosing him is like going for a short term relationship only" cause much as I would like to see something down the road, he has still not reach that stage yet. Well, since I told myself planning too much ahead (for love) is pointless cause you never know what might happen again, there I go again... Stop stop stop...

And so I'd stop being too soft-hearted as well by wanting to keep to this sucky job because I felt bad towards my supervisor. Started flipping through the newspapers for other temp jobs again and am scheduled for another interview for a Temp Banking project. Sometimes after all those pass bad encounters, I reckon office jobs still suit me better. But I'm keeping my fingers cross for this better paid job and hope that things turn out well...

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

bEinG a CoUcH PoTaTo & LaZy bUm @ HoMe & tHou SHaLL nOt THiNk tOo mUcH bOut LoVe...iM tRyin...

When you have too much time and nothing to do at home, all you do is watch TV, eat, sleep and play games i.e. for me... So I took an afternoon nap and here i am in the wee hours of the mornin again. Well I pestered the Lancome manager to assign more working days for me so ill stop being bored and penniless for the days to come. Darn the days seemed so near yet so far and my flight is still on waiting list on the Feb 26th and 27th. Lecturer replied today sayin he should see no problem with my honours application just the paper work takes some time, as usual. **sob sob** one of my friends flying back Melbourne next monday and I asked her if I could follow her, haha...

Though I wanna go back there so much, I guess it's still the people that matters more than the place. "You know what I mean, yeah?" I wanna picture a happy and "xinfu" relationship and life back there, but my past has been full of turbulances so many times that Im always doubtful about now cause like I say when you think too much perfection in life, everything goes in the wrong direction instead. I know if I say this, some of my friends are gonna kill me -> Much as I wanna go back Melbourne, Im actually afraid things would not turn out the way I want it to or the happiness won't last forever. I told my friends the main reason and they tried to give me assurance, but the question still lingers in my heart, "I just can't bring myself to trust him."

Anyway I was havin a long MSN chat with my dear cousin in KL and she and her long-time BF are already talkin about wedding and stuff. Well, I was jokin with her that if my ex(of 5yrs) and I were still together, the both of us might get married at the same time now as well. It isn't easy to find a guy who's a good BF & whom you know would make a good husband. He knew when to be funny and when to be serious and most importantly, he plans for his future. Why did I ever give him up? It's a long story... I reckon Im more childish than I am as compared to when I was younger, which was kinda ironic because I thought people were supposed to get more mature as they grow older, but for me it's like workin in the reverse direction.

By nature, people start with fallin in love and take each day at a time when they are teenagers and as they grow older then they would think of settling down and stuff. But for me, it worked in the reverse direction; it was like I was born old and slowly shrunk into a baby. I started out with a long time BF, we thought so much for the future like even our kid's names and when were wanted to get married -> now it all seems like a big joke. Maybe it was cause we had been through so much at that time. So now, I don't wanna see myself walkin down the aisle with anyone yet cause it happened that I thought too much in the past and none eventually came true. Im trying hard not too lah ok, but which girl doesn't wanna look pretty in a wedding gown and walk down the aisle happily with the love of her life?

Monday, January 03, 2005

DeEpeSt cOnDoLenCes tO fAmiLy viCTims oF TsUnAmi's cRisiS, soMe fOod fOr tHoUgHt & mY UsUaL SoAp...

Ok so my dad's complaining about the Internet Bill and thus I'm bloggin here on MS word first. Firstly let'stake a minute of silence in respect to the Tsunami victims and their families. (*_*) What is the world coming to? The morning mass at church today was a solemn one as we prayed for the Tsunami victims as well. I found something that Father mentioned meaningful; he said that people would probably blame god when disaster strikes, but the truth is humans are the ones who don't treasure and use what god gave us.

2 facts taken from trusted sources:

- The Indian Air force Navel base was already covered under water an hour before the large wave hit the beaches, so that means there were people who knew of more huge waves coming, so why wasn't the public informed?
- Furthermore, some of the govt. offices had received faxes of the impending huge waves and then again we ask the same question, why?

An article from the local paper interests me talking about analyzing the Tsunami wave. According to the Indian almanac, Dec 16 to Jan 14 of every year is regarded as inauspicious. Why? You could tell from the major earth quakes around the world that occurred in December and January:
- Dec 26, 2003 - South Eastern Iran, Bam - 6.5 on the Richter scale - 41,000 killed
- Jan 26, 2001 - India - 7.9 on the Richter scale - 13,000 killed
- Jan 8, 2000 - Tonga Island, Dec 6, 2000 - Turkmenistan, Jan 25, 1999 - Western Columbia and the list goes on.

Doesn't every major catastrophe come with little hints in some way or another? People had initially thought that the world would come to an end in the year 2000. So, eventually when it didn't, it actually brought a series of events that happened subsequently like the Sep 11, 2001 attacks, SARS in 2003 and Tsunami in 2004. Is planet earth trying to tell us something? We could only know in time to come. So meanwhile, live life to the fullest everyone and treasure your loved ones and friends.

Ok let's get back to my little soap opera. Well I had a quiet little Xmas eve with 'U' watching 'Meet the Fockers' and a rather expensive and not-worth-it dinner at one of the restaurants in Chimes. Well, everything's a lesson learned, but it's still not surprising we never run out of things to do in Melbourne, but in Singapore we both always go, 'Hey what you wanna do?' Maybe it's cause we just like lazing together watchin telly on the couch and just knowing the other person is beside you is enough to make us happy. ;p

Anyway, I was the one who supposedly got a job first but it doesn't start till 21 Jan and he's already in the middle of his part time job as a waiter. One day we should go to the steakhouse he's workin at, 'Ya tigger?' It's somewhere in Serangoon as well. So I'm back to being bloody bored at home and still waiting for the 'LETTER'. Apparently got 2 letters from Monash and my hopes were dashed when one was asking for money and the other about the Alumni thing... Damn Uni always fast in asking for money and other matters they take forever to reply...