Wednesday, January 05, 2005

bEinG a CoUcH PoTaTo & LaZy bUm @ HoMe & tHou SHaLL nOt THiNk tOo mUcH bOut LoVe...iM tRyin...

When you have too much time and nothing to do at home, all you do is watch TV, eat, sleep and play games i.e. for me... So I took an afternoon nap and here i am in the wee hours of the mornin again. Well I pestered the Lancome manager to assign more working days for me so ill stop being bored and penniless for the days to come. Darn the days seemed so near yet so far and my flight is still on waiting list on the Feb 26th and 27th. Lecturer replied today sayin he should see no problem with my honours application just the paper work takes some time, as usual. **sob sob** one of my friends flying back Melbourne next monday and I asked her if I could follow her, haha...

Though I wanna go back there so much, I guess it's still the people that matters more than the place. "You know what I mean, yeah?" I wanna picture a happy and "xinfu" relationship and life back there, but my past has been full of turbulances so many times that Im always doubtful about now cause like I say when you think too much perfection in life, everything goes in the wrong direction instead. I know if I say this, some of my friends are gonna kill me -> Much as I wanna go back Melbourne, Im actually afraid things would not turn out the way I want it to or the happiness won't last forever. I told my friends the main reason and they tried to give me assurance, but the question still lingers in my heart, "I just can't bring myself to trust him."

Anyway I was havin a long MSN chat with my dear cousin in KL and she and her long-time BF are already talkin about wedding and stuff. Well, I was jokin with her that if my ex(of 5yrs) and I were still together, the both of us might get married at the same time now as well. It isn't easy to find a guy who's a good BF & whom you know would make a good husband. He knew when to be funny and when to be serious and most importantly, he plans for his future. Why did I ever give him up? It's a long story... I reckon Im more childish than I am as compared to when I was younger, which was kinda ironic because I thought people were supposed to get more mature as they grow older, but for me it's like workin in the reverse direction.

By nature, people start with fallin in love and take each day at a time when they are teenagers and as they grow older then they would think of settling down and stuff. But for me, it worked in the reverse direction; it was like I was born old and slowly shrunk into a baby. I started out with a long time BF, we thought so much for the future like even our kid's names and when were wanted to get married -> now it all seems like a big joke. Maybe it was cause we had been through so much at that time. So now, I don't wanna see myself walkin down the aisle with anyone yet cause it happened that I thought too much in the past and none eventually came true. Im trying hard not too lah ok, but which girl doesn't wanna look pretty in a wedding gown and walk down the aisle happily with the love of her life?